When your sanding disc backup pad gets laden with dust, don't try to clear it out by blowing on it. Actually, that's probably fine, but don't get all fancy and decide to turn the motor on to speed up your sawdust blowing. Of course, if you do so, you may still be fine, right up until you psuedo-kiss the spinning backup pad whilst you blow on it.
I don't know this from recent experience or anything. And yes, tht big scab on my upper lip IS a horrible cold sore...sure...
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble."
You've got to go to Costco or BJ's (HA!) wholesale clubs and get the multi-gallon buckets. Also works works wonders as conditioner for your leather chaps...
KurtHuhn wrote:You've got to go to Costco or BJ's (HA!) wholesale clubs and get the multi-gallon buckets.
I thought you'd be willing to part with some lightly-used olive oil out of the wrestling vat for cheap or invite him over for a quick marinating before a pipe crafting session.
Well, I certainly wouldn't GIVE it away! People pay good money for used olive oil. You would not believe the size of the secondary market for that kind of stuff.
KurtHuhn wrote:You've got to go to Costco or BJ's (HA!) wholesale clubs and get the multi-gallon buckets. Also works works wonders as conditioner for your leather chaps...
I knew if I searched hard enough I'd find a picture of Kurt in his assless chaps!! So, who's volunteering to wrestle him know?!
Regards,
Frank.
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Grouch Happens!
People usually get the gods they deserve - Terry Pratchett
KurtHuhn wrote:You've got to go to Costco or BJ's (HA!) wholesale clubs and get the multi-gallon buckets. Also works works wonders as conditioner for your leather chaps...
I knew if I searched hard enough I'd find a picture of Kurt in his assless chaps!! So, who's volunteering to wrestle him know?!
Noooo. Pipe gnomes polish their pipes with their asses. This guy only polishes stems with his ass.
The Pipe Gnome
By Nick
"Daddy, why are your pipes so shiney?"
"Why its the Pipe Gnomes, of course."
"Pipe Gnome? What's a Pipe Gnome?"
"What's a Pipe Gnome? Why I think it should be obvious. But let me tell you the story....
A long time ago, men and women lived with all sorts of Fey, that is to say magical creatures. There were the beautiful elves, hard working dwarves, cunning goblins and there were the Gnomes. Gnomes are little creatures, very much like men and women, but only two inches tall. They are clever and curious. Shy, jolly and hard working. But at some point in the past, almost all of the Fey disappeared in the Great Leaving. No one knows why really. Some say that the elf queen was offended by King Arthur. Others think that they were scared of our technology and still others think that the just lost interest in men and women.
Among all the Fey, the Gnomes were the closest to men and women. A Gnome will "adopt" a family, and help them out in whatever they were doing. They work with farmers to grow better crops, with shoe makers to make better shoes and all sorts of other folks. But especially pipe makers. You see, Gnomes love to smoke their pipes. You'd hardly ever see a Gnome without his pipe. Thatis if you ever saw one. Even the women smoke pipes. After the Great Leaving, the Gnomes became even shyer. They'd still help out their people, but they'd do it quietly; in secret and without letting their family know.
Well, one day, in the village of Saint Claude in France, a noble Italian gentleman came to see a woodcarver. The nobleman, who was visiting France, had broken his pipe and had not brought another. He asked if the woodcarver could make him another. "Alas," the woodcarver said. "This pipe is made out of meerschaum, and I have no meerschaum."
But the Nobleman was undeterred. "The make it out of wood if you have to. But make me a pipe for I am in great need of a smoke." And the nobleman dropped three gold Lire on the woodcarver's workbench. Now the woodcarver was not a rich man. He wasn't poo either, but three gold Lire was a lot of money? Why he didn't make that much in a month's time. Maybe not even two months. "I'll pay you three more Lire if you have it by tomorrow." The nobleman said.
"Yes sir, right away sir." Was all the woodcarver could get out before the nobleman left.
Well, of course, our woodcarver started on the pipe right away. 'But what wood to use?' he thought. 'It has to be hard, so it won't burn. But light too. Not ebony – hard, but too heavy or chenes or birch – which are light, but too soft...' He sorted though his wood, looking at each piece and then tossing it aside as being too heavy or too soft or too.... Well you get the idea. He was about to give up, when with a big "THUMP" a large burl of wood fell off its shelf. The woodcarver jumped and yelled out with surprise. Tossing six or seven block of wood into the air. As the woodcarver caught his breath, gasping from the freight, he swore he could hear the tiny patter of little feet scampering away.
Now the woodcarver was an old man, and a superstitious one too. He'd been raised with the stories of little men helping those who worked hard and were honest in all things. He was curious, but knew better than to look around. For if such little men were about, they did not like being seen. The woodcarver examined the burl on the floor. It had harvested out of the ground years ago, but he'd never done anything with it, other than boil the sap out, as it was such a hard wood. Beautiful, but hard to work with. "Ahh! Yes, just the wood," mutter the carver. Well the carver sawed and cut and carved and sanded. Working through his dinner and long into the night. The pipe was good, but he just wasn't satisfied with it. It was shaped nicely, and had a fine horn mouth piece, but... But something wasn't finished about it. The woodcarver sat and stared at the pipe. Stared and stared and stared until finally, he fell asleep at his workbench.
"Well, you know what happens now don't you?"
"The Gnomes come out!"
"Yes, that's right. The Gnomes come out to help. Well, Gnome in this case. The woodcarver had one Gnome living in his workshop. Phillip John Bob was his name."
Well, Phillip John Bob had been helping the woodcarver all along, making sure that just the right tool was at hand and little things like that. Phillip John Bob looked at the pipe, gently puffing on his own little long clay pipe. He was proud of the work. After all, he'd helped make this pipe too. But the woodcarver was right, it wasn't quite done. It wasn't pretty enough, or bright enough. It didn't shine. "That's it," piped Phillip John Bob in his Gnomey little voice. "It's not shiny!" Well, Gnomes still had magic. But making things shiny wasn't one of their tricks. Nope, that required good old hard work. A little magic would help make the pipe extra good, but mostly it was just hard work.
So the Gnome dropped his trousers and ...
"He dropped what?"
"He took off his pants."
"His pants?"
"Yes, he took off his pants...."
"Why?"
"Well if you'll let me continue, I'll tell you why. Now, like I said..."
he dropped his trousers and began rubbing his posterior on....
"What's a posterior?"
"His posterior? His rear end. His butt. OK? He rubbed his butt on the pipe."
"Hehehehehe"
"What so funny about a butt? It’s a normal part of your body? Everybody's got one. Now, as I was saying, he rubbed his posterior on the pipe, for this is how Gnomes polish things... "
"Why, daddy?"
"I don't know why. It's just how they do it! Gnome rears are special that way."
"Gnomes have magic butts? Hehehehehehe"
"Yes, yes. Magic butts. Quite funny. Now, if we can continue?"
Well, he rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. All over the pipe. Pretty soon, it was glossy and shiny and perfect. Just as Phillip John Bob was finishing, the village rooster crowed. Quick as a wink, Phillip John Bob dashed away, and hid among the tools on the bench.
Groggily, the woodcarver woke. He rubbed his eyes, stretched with a big yawn and thought of the work he still had to do. Then his eyes found the gleaming pipe resting on his workbench. "Oh my!" he said. "This is perfect!!," he said, examining the pipe closely. "Thank you" he said to the room at large. "Thank you. Thank you!" Phillip John Bob beamed to himself. Ever so pleased that the woodcarver was happy with the work he'd done.
Well, when the Italian Nobleman came back, he was astounded by the pipe. It was light, beautiful and had gorgeous wood grain running up the bowl. Immediately, the nobleman stuffed the pipe with tobacco and lit it up. A look of ecstasy spread across the nobleman's face. "This...this is wonderful!" He said. "I've never had such a pipe." The nobleman pulled out his purse and dumped the glittering contents on the woodcarver's bench. "You will make me three more. Right away!" he said. The woodcarver had never seen so much gold.
"Yes sir," the woodcarver replied meakly. "But I have one job that I simply must do before I make your pipes."
"Must you?" asked the nobleman rather dejectedly.
"Yes sir. If you want your new pipes as good as this one, I must." answered the woodcarver.
"Very well." Said the nobleman. "Next Tuesday then. I shall be leaving for Florence on Wednesday, and must have the pipes by then."
"They will be ready sir." replied the woodcarver graciously. And with that, the nobleman strolled out of the shop, muttering to himself, "Why Count DiLasagna will be so envious. Ohh, he'll want one for sure. And so would the Baron la Farfalle...."
The woodcarver however, knew he had other work to do. He picked up a small piece of the wood, briar it was called, and started carving a tiny pipe. He worked at it all day, with such fine tools that he had to use a magnifying glass. But finally, it was done. At the end of the day, the woodcarver set the tiny pipe, along with a little tobacco, on his workbench and went home for dinner, hoping that the pipe would be gone when he returned tomorrow.
Phillip John Bob was very happy with his new pipe. After he polished it of course. And the woodcarver was happy too, for in a few weeks time half of the Italian nobility was writing him about his wonderful pipes, asking when they could get one? The woodcarver had many orders from then on, but the he never rushed. He always took his time, making each piece just right. Leaving each pipe out when he closed up the shopalong with a little bit of tobacco and a thimble full of bourbon. And in the mornings, he would find wonderfully beautiful shiney pipes.
"And that, my dear, was the first Pipe Gnome. From then on, every good pipe maker has had a Pipe Gnome living is his shop. Whether they know it or not. And each and every Pipe Gnome is related to Phillip John Bob, the grandfather of the Pipe Gnomes."
"Really daddy?"
"Really dear. But now its bedtime.
"One more story daddy?"
"No, its off to bed for you. Perhaps tomorrow night I'll tell you how John Phillip Edward and Sixten Ivarsson changed the pipe world forever."
Great story, Nick!