An Editorial

[Sasquatch]

So lemme get this straight - I make too many posts, build too many pipes (which apparently look like tallywhackers), and am too crude while doing all of this?

Sounds about right, actually.

[ToddJohnson]

For the record, I can't think of a single instance where someone posted something in the gallery and got an "intentionally disrespectful" or "rude" comment. The one exception to this is when someone posted a pipe that was clearly intended for smoking things other than tobacco. That, by virtue of its intended use, pissed me off a bit, and I simply responded to the post letting him know it was "ugly" . . . which it was. Perhaps it was more attractive than a honey bear, or a hollowed out apple, but it was ugly nonetheless. I'm not super gracious when it comes to stoners. I've seen that crap turn too many people into listless deadbeats who are incapable of doing anything but eating giant bags of Doritos.

TJ

[NathanA]

Well said, Mr. Johnson. It bugs the crap out of me that whenever I tell someone that I make pipes, that is the first thing that comes to their mind.

[bandkbrooks]

Very true Todd. I've seen too many good guys screw up because of stupid crap like that (and worse).

[Sorringowl]

For the record, I can't think of a single instance where someone posted something in the gallery and got an "intentionally disrespectful" or "rude" comment. The one exception to this is when someone posted a pipe that was clearly intended for smoking things other than tobacco. That, by virtue of its intended use, pissed me off a bit, and I simply responded to the post letting him know it was "ugly" . . . which it was. Perhaps it was more attractive than a honey bear, or a hollowed out apple, but it was ugly nonetheless. I'm not super gracious when it comes to stoners. I've seen that crap turn too many people into listless deadbeats who are incapable of doing anything but eating giant bags of Doritos.

TJ

Hey Todd,
Just so you know, I wasn't referring to you in particular on the "ugly" comment, but I've seen that word around in the forums referring to newbies' work by other members. I was just using that as an example of unnecessary mean-spritedness. I remember the pot pipe in the gallery and yes, you're right, it was ugly and I totally understand your abhorrence to that "other weed" as I share it too. When I tell people I smoke a pipe, I always make sure to let them know that I'm a pipe smoker who smokes pipe tobacco, not a cigar smoker, not a cigarette smoker and definitely not a pot smoker. This is a free country and anyone can smoke what they want but, in my opinion, pipes like that have no place on this forum. This is the Pipe Maker's Forum not the Pot Pipe or Bong Maker's Forum (of which I'm sure there are many). So, I'm definitely there with you, Nathan and I'm sure many of us on this forum.

Also, Todd, I hope you know that as a newbie, I do greatly appreciate the advice and expertise you and other experienced makers (and moderators of this forum) bring to the forum and I'm aware that sometimes some of it will be hard to hear (especially when it's directed at our own work) but that it's for our own good. I am totally on board with that. But I thought that bandk brought up a few good points and I just wanted to echo some of those sentiments, hopefully, for the betterment of our own little community. So, I honestly hope that it wasn't taken with a disrespectful tone (as that was totally not my intention) and that, as we may sometimes do, I might have said some things in the heat of the moment that I might have reworded upon further time and reflection (like telling the LOTR hobbits that they would never ever get the "precious." That was just mean. It's true, but, again, it's just mean.). So, for that, if I've offended any of you (except for Sas), I apologize. Just kidding Sas, I love your work and I think you're totally indispensable to this and other forums.

As someone said before, we're all big boys here (especially Sasquatch) and I hope that once you and everybody gets to know me better ('cause I'm stickin' around--for better or worse) you will see that I really respect and admire all of you guys (even pot pipe guy, a little bit, because at least he tried to bring a little class to his hobby) and I will always be the guy to keep the peace and gentility to a situation (even if I've helped to create it) and hopefully, bring some levity to it as well.

So, if I have offended you or others, I apologize and I hope you will forget about it by the time I post my next pipe. And if not, I welcome your criticism anyway (and would be honored to have it) because I know you're good at what you do.

Sincerely,
Sasquatch

Just kidding,
Sorringowl

[Sorringowl]

So lemme get this straight - I make too many posts, build too many pipes (which apparently look like tallywhackers), and am too crude while doing all of this?

Sounds about right, actually.

Your pipes are reminiscent of a younger man's tallywhacker. Trust me, it's a compliment.

[TreverT]

I might have said some things in the heat of the moment that I might have reworded upon further time and reflection (like telling the LOTR hobbits that they would never ever get the "precious." That was just mean. It's true, but, again, it's just mean.).

I can't speak for any of the other LOTR fans on the forum, but for myself, I was completely unable to figure out what you were trying to say regarding LOTR in your other post anyway, so I wasn't offended. Ignorance is handy that way.

[Sorringowl]

I can't speak for any of the other LOTR fans on the forum, but for myself, I was completely unable to figure out what you were trying to say regarding LOTR in your other post anyway, so I wasn't offended. Ignorance is handy that way.

Right on. I was merely joking and that was the point (not that there needed to be one for a joke). As a LOTR fan, myself, I don't mind making fun of myself but I can understand if you just didn't get the humor, so, I'm not offended either. And yes, ignorance is handy that way.

[KurtHuhn]

But the real question is - will The Hobbit be made, and who will be directing it?! First it was Peter Jackson, The Guillermo Del Toro, then not. WTF?! I NEED my live action fix of this story!!!

[ToddJohnson]

But the real question is - will The Hobbit be made, and who will be directing it?! First it was Peter Jackson, The Guillermo Del Toro, then not. WTF?! I NEED my live action fix of this story!!!

I'm sorry, Kurt, I should have told you, but they've actually asked me to direct it. I've started on the casting, and have decided on Brian Ruthenburg as Bilbo Baggins. He's jolly and pleasant with a quick wit and hairy palms. He will, of course be smoking a pipe with a natural lembas-based bowl coating. Trever is going to play Gandalf, appearing and disappearing of his own volition while guarding the secret lore of middle-Earth. Bruce is an obvious choice for Gollum, given his sinewy frame and general sliminess. Mike Messer will be coming out of pipemaking retirement to play Smaug, fueling his scorching breath with all the smelly ebonite he can find. Rad is, of course, Elrond, because he's soooo freaking old. If you don't believe me, perhaps someone could post the photo that Neill Roan took of him one time. I believe we referred to it as the "old drunken hobo" picture. Kurt, you're Thorin Oakenshield because, at his roots, he's really just an undersized Ostrogoth in the body of a dwarf.

I'm afraid this is going to be sort of an arthouse type of film with all the special effects being accomplished with sock-puppets and various things you might find in your kitchen cabinets. I've only been given a seventy-five dollar budget, so creating every costume and prop from scratch just isn't going to be an option. Also, we aren't going to be able to shoot in New Zeland--again, the budget--so I've found a nice empty field in Barnes City, Iowa (population 201). We'll need to do everything, start to finish, in three days of shooting, because we've all got to get back home and make pipes. Oh, the last "character" I've cast, and arguably the most important, is the narrator. This role will be handled by Paul Argendorf of A & M Steel Stamp. If you've ever spoken to him on the phone, you will realize that he's sort of like James Earl Jones, Morgan Freeman, and a New York-Jewish grandmother all rolled into one. Should be one hell of a film.

TJ

[Sasquatch]

Indispensible? I do not think it means... what you think it means....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D58LpHBnvsI

[DMI]

As far as I am aware the Hobbit is in pre-production, the wrangling over ownership, copyright et al seems to have been sorted out. The film iteslf will be in two parts.

Leather Tankards by me.

There is a snippet of Smaug attacking the village on the internet.

David.

[TreverT]

Hairy palms? I think you mean hairy feet - Hobbits have hairy feet. Werewolves have hairy palms. It's possible Brian is a werehobbit, but I don't know him that well. I suffer from a form of lycanthropy myself, and periodically transform into a weresloth depending on lunar cycle and stress level. If you can't find me at CORPS, I'm probably hanging upside down in a door frame somewhere.

[DMI]

I'm probably hanging upside down in a door frame somewhere.

Oh, so they have speciality room service do they?

[KurtHuhn]

Todd, not only do I approve, but I wish to subscibe to your newsletter. Have you got a jar I can insert donations into? My donations, unfortunately, will consist of exactly one pint of homebrew and a pinch of homegrown burley, but it's all I have other than the mason jar of 'shine (and that's mine!). I can't wait to download and illegally sha.. I mean tell all my friends about your take on The Hobbit. Have you got a teaser trailer for us to view?

BTW, that was truly funny! I snorked my evening tea through my nose reading that.

[baweaverpipes]

Bruce is an obvious choice for Gollum, given his sinewy frame and general sliminess.

TJ

With apologies, Mr. Johnson, I must decline the role as Gollum.
Due to the mean spirited nature of some postings, regarding my tobacco pipes, I am moving into a new arena.
Originally I got into pipe making to meet women. It just never happened, with the exception of the "Crazy Ebonite Lady" and she scared me!
Mention had been made regarding pot pipes and stoners. I totally agree about stoners and lethargy.
I had been making rhinestone bongs and found the female stoners to be just a bad lay, plus they smelled of Hostess cup cakes and Cheetos.
I have patented a new glass lined briar pipe, self cooling and can be made for under $10.
Crack pipes is where the action is! Those crack hoes.................well..........you get my drift.

[bandkbrooks]

According to an old Satuday Night Live episode the worst job in the world is assistant crack whore. You might consider a discounted line of specialty pipes considering their lower income. You could make them out of peckerwood. Make sure to use crushed glass to line the bowl as the cake will build up faster. Borrow some stinky ebonite from Messer as the crack whore won't even notice due to the smell emanating from her rotten teeth.

[Sorringowl]

Indispensible? I do not think it means... what you think it means....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D58LpHBnvsI

You're right, Sasquatch. I stand corrected. What I meant to say is that you're totally inconceivable to this and other forums.

Thank you for pointing that out. Beware the six-fingered man.

Would anybody like a peanut?

[Thomas Tkach]

My two cents:

About the blind leading each other in the gallery and parroting what pros say--I have learned a whole lot from that, and if I ever get the time/money/space to carve some pipes, I bet they will be much less noobish than they would be without the advice and critiques given here.

I think the fact that there are so many pros and good amateurs on this forum that are so willing to help is amazing. I have been on another forum where newcomers are treated with contempt (after asking his first noob question, one poster was told by a senior member that he was not welcome and that he should not revisit that forum again), but the atmosphere here is completely the opposite. For that, thank you, to all of those who contribute so selflessly!

P.S. For what it's worth, when the government outlaws smoking, some of you should look into careers in comedy--you guys crack me up!

[Mike Messer]

.....Mike Messer will be coming out of pipemaking retirement to play Smaug, fueling his scorching breath with all the smelly ebonite he can find....
TJ

Thanks, Todd, for the job offer, and sorry for the late response. I just returned from Cannes with Brigette, and she handles all of my business, now, except casting which is done through the William Morris Agency. But no, I'm not in retirement. I always lie about my age. I'm only 36 years old (almost).
Very interesting idea, though, amazing imagination.
M.M.

Edited as usual