Pipe show hilarity

[LatakiaLover]

A bit of comic relief played out at the KC show that you PF guys might enjoy.

I held a Q&A-flavored discussion group thing Saturday afternoon on refurbishing and assorted related subjects for a couple dozen people. This morning, someone was (apparently) waiting for me to enter the exhibit hall because I'd made it only thirty feet into the room before finding my way blocked and the attack began. The guy was truly incensed. Somewhere between grievously upset and outraged. The reason? He'd heard from someone who attended the session that I recommended sanding to remove the oxidation from vulcanite stems when necessary. Why was that upsetting? Because sanding removed material, and properly restored pipes should NEVER have material removed.

I agreed that unnecessary material removal was most definitely a Bad Thing, but that in the case of oxidation there was no other choice. Like rust on metal, there was no other way.

"But… if you BUFF the stems until they are black again, you won't lose material!" He said. "Do you see any dust in the air when you buff a stem? Well, compare that with sanding... why, dust fles everywhere! And all that dust is part of the original pipe, disappearing forever. Gone!"

"Um… buffing compound is simply sandpaper in paste form," I replied. "There's little dust released into the air because the removed particles are held by the stickiness of the compound. That's why buffing wheels build up and must be periodically raked."

"NO!!!" he insisted. "Buffing a stem only turns it black again. Try it and you'll see. Push a green stem into a wheel, and you'll get a black spot. Do it to the entire stem, and the whole thing is black. End of story. That's not rocket science, is it? How can you not understand that? Using sandpaper is for amateurs who don't know what they are doing, and you, sir, obviously don't know what you are talking about!"

I tried again. "A rod of ebonite can be neatly cut in half with a buffing wheel, you know. I'll be glad to show you sometime. As for using ONLY a buffing wheel for severe oxidation removal, that rounds sharp edges, destroys buttons, leaves scallops, and results in an overall smeared, melted look. Sanding gives you far better control, and when properly done an oxidized stem can be made to look exactly like it did when new. That's how it was shaped originally, in fact. No pipe maker shapes stems with a buffing wheel, do they?"

There was a lull in the assault. I thought I'd finally gotten through to him, and I figured I'd seal the deal with hands-on proof. "Here... let me show you a stem I restored by sanding before buffing, and tell me what you think," I said, and began to rummage through my bag to find an example.

"No!" he roared. "I don't want to see it! I don't NEED to see it to know what I'll find. It will look bad because you used sandpaper on it! And if you'd BUFFED it, it would have simply turned black again!"

Etcetera.

After another minute of this, I happened to look over the Incensed One's shoulder to see a club member waving at me (cough) from across the hall to help move a display. Or something. Can't remember now what he wanted. But it looked urgent.

True story.

[d.huber]

Lol! Some people.

[The Smoking Yeti]

WTF!? You use sandpaper?!

[LatakiaLover]

WTF!? You use sandpaper?!

Not really... I actually use a secret chemical re-blackening recipe based on notes found at the Roswell UFO crash site, together with a Voodoo spell I learned from a black magic priestess in New Orleans.

Don't tell anyone, though. I almost have 'em off my trail.

[wdteipen]

Ignorance is truly one of the most frustrating things to me in this hobby. That and staunch stubborness!

[phmann]

Son of a bitch! You sandpapering fool! I wonder why auto detail guys don't wet-buff their fine paint jobs...

[Tyler]

Man, I'm sorry I missed that. That sounds like high quality entertainment.

[The Smoking Yeti]

Man, I'm sorry I missed that. That sounds like high quality entertainment.

Sadist.

This is serious business here!

Cheers!

Yeti

[the rev]

WOW that is just amazing. You have amazing patience George.

rev

[andrew]

You should have told him there is an even quicker way... black paint . No material removed guaranteed. What does he think buffing compound is made of? Camel farts and voodoo?!

[d.huber]

Camel farts and voodoo?!

You're thinking of stinky ebonite, Andrew.

[caskwith]

Oh how that conversation stirs memories. I have learnt to smile and nod now whenever I hear these kinds of arguments, being someone who is that level up from your average pipe smoker here in the UK means I am a focal point for just this kind of bullshit. Last year I was given a 25minute lecture on why ALL American tobaccos are full of chemicals and article additives but ALL English tobaccos are natural. I didn't engage, just smiled and nodded.

[Kirk Fitzgerald]

Nothing quite like taking someone else's emotional crapolla on the chin eh, engaging them is exactly what they want even if they refuse to acknowledge that fact, you did well to keep calm. It does sadden my heart when we have to take this sort of behaviour from people we consider friends though, seems harder somehow to cope with on a personal emotional level, don't you find.

[LatakiaLover]

I have learnt to smile and nod now whenever I hear these kinds of arguments...

That's normally what I do. In this case Outraged Guy was a nationally known & respected collector, though, and said in the middle of the conversation (I omitted it for continuity) that there had been a restorer several years ago who used sanding to remove oxidation, and was blackballed by collectors for "destroying" pipes. And now that I'd admitted doing the same thing he'd make sure to spread the word about me.

I felt the need to at least try, in other words.

[Tyler]

I have learnt to smile and nod now whenever I hear these kinds of arguments...

That's normally what I do. In this case Outraged Guy was a nationally known & respected collector, though, and said in the middle of the conversation (I omitted it for continuity) that there had been a restorer several years ago who used sanding to remove oxidation, and was blackballed by collectors for "destroying" pipes. And now that I'd admitted doing the same thing he'd make sure to spread the word about me.

I felt the need to at least try, in other words.

Ok, now that's crap. If I ever see any such disparaging of your work George, I'll not just let it ride. Ignorance that is used as a weapon of distruction toward another is not OK.

[Kirk Fitzgerald]

And now that I'd admitted doing the same thing he'd make sure to spread the word about me.

Any one who gives credence to that guys insane rantings will be equally as soft in the ol'brain pan, there is nothing you, I or any one else can ever do to change how they think or behave. Yeah, it hurts the ego a little to know that some folk are bad mouthing you behind your back, hard to see the light when you are drowning in the darkness but there will be a hundred others who see the truth for one of those who choose to grub around in the filth spreading their disease.

Probably wont help much but this is a truth which cannot be denied, I am only a fledgling with all things to do with refurbishing and making pipes but even I know that what you said was perfectly correct and this other chap was talking out of his rear end. Every single person with an ounce of common sense will know what that guy is up to as he tries to spread his disease, the vast majority of people will see him as nothing more than jealous of you and their opinion of him will diminish.

It's hard at times I know but try to keep his negative trash out of your head mate, take his power away and refuse to let it bother you a minute longer.

[RDPowell]

And now that I'd admitted doing the same thing he'd make sure to spread the word about me.

A there is nothing you, I or any one else can ever do to change how they think or behave.

Yeah there is! My Tailor Vinny C. takes 3 figure (not fingers anymore) donations and will fit anyone for a nice new cement suit.

[d.huber]

I have learnt to smile and nod now whenever I hear these kinds of arguments...

That's normally what I do. In this case Outraged Guy was a nationally known & respected collector, though, and said in the middle of the conversation (I omitted it for continuity) that there had been a restorer several years ago who used sanding to remove oxidation, and was blackballed by collectors for "destroying" pipes. And now that I'd admitted doing the same thing he'd make sure to spread the word about me.

I felt the need to at least try, in other words.

I agree with Tyler. Being an ignorant asshole is not a good enough reason to spread disparaging remarks about others, even though people do it all the time.

Nice thing is, you've got some muscle in your corner too. Tyler not being the least of that muscle.

[d.huber]

Come to think of it, it's entirely possible that he only stated that to gain authority over you, to make you feel small and afraid so that he could feel like he'd "won" the argument. See it all the time.

If he actually intends to tarnish your reputation, behind closed doors is where he wants to be. He can say anything he wants and go unquestioned.

So... what's the possibility of inviting him to a public debate on the subject? Internet or otherwise? I have a pretty good feeling if given the chance, he'll show himself for a fool.

[wmolaw]

Hell, total neophyte here, but have collected many, many pipes. Tried every damn thing in the world to rejuvenate stems, spent untold hours searching the web for the secret recipe. We've all seen them, and, without exceptiong (that I've seen at least) SOME portion of the recipe requires sanding, or a trip to the wheel, which is just sanding.

This guy's a well known "collector?" Damn, what's the old saying about a dork and his money?