Hey Nate,
After reading this thread, it's clear to me how desperate you are to replace that clunker of a lathe you've got. I understand that even though tools a pipe maker do not make, I thought that, instead of going with the cheap options you have above, you could go with something a little more quality. I found this, and I hope you are able to afford it as I believe it may be the best tool available for you.
Here's a pic with it's original owner.
You're welcome.