Bamboo & Horn for Sale

[e Markle]

I thought I'd throw this out in case there's any interest. I bought a LOT of horn and bamboo. I was thinking something like $2 apiece for either horn or bamboo plus $5 for shipping in the CONUS. The only thing is, I don't really want to run to the PO for a single piece of horn. So if you'd take a minimum of 5 (mixed is fine) I'd appreciate it.

If those prices are ridiculous or you'd like to buy quite a few, just shoot me a PM and we can work something out. In fact, either way, just send me a PM, and we'll work out details. Thanks.

[hawky454]

What kind of horn do you have?

[e Markle]

The very best kind?

I assume it's the cow variant.

[RadDavis]

The very best kind?

I assume it's the cow variant.

Ernie! You're supposed to say "Ox". The very finest of Ox Horns.

Cow? Pu-lease.

Rad

[e Markle]

Thanks Rad!

Hawky,
This stuff is PRIMO ox horn. It's such high quality that I traded all my gold bullion in just to get a few pounds of the stuff. It's literally impossible that you could every be disappointed with this horn. [Jedi Mind Trick] You should buy everything I have. [/Jedi Mind Trick]

Ernie Markle
Purveyor of Fine Ox Horn

[Alden]

Ernie, I'm really interested in how big the pieces of Fine Primo Ox horn are ?
How long are the bamboo pieces ?
I'm definitely interested in ordering some, just need to figure out how much.

[e Markle]

OK gents,
Time to unveil pics of the much anticipated Perfection Grade Ox horn and Shangri la bamboo. This is just the first handful of each that I grabbed; I didn't want to waste my time (or yours) cherry picking stuff. As you can see, the bamboo still has some dirt on it, and I must confess, the horn in the pic is more figured than most in the box, so that whole attempt at objectivity failed me. Most of it is white with not much for coloration. If you have something specific in mind I'll do my best to pick out what you want. That being said, I would emphasize that this is probably better for the beginner to play around with, and may not be suitable for the pros (Rad excepted as he has no standards).

I would guess that the average bamboo is about 9" long by .5" to .75" in diameter. The average horn is about .750" at the base and roughly 2.5" long. Unless you request it, I won't be sending out those little nubby bits of horn like the one on the lower left. The bamboo is dirty, and the nodes need to be sanded. Some have small cracks, and some are bent. ...Just trying to give you the full story up front.





Now I just sit back and wait for the orders to roll in... PM me if interested.

[Alden]

I'm interested in 10 of your finest Supreme Plus Plus Grade Double Crown Shangri La Organic Ozone Replenishing Bamboo Stickettes for beginners.
Also, I'd like 5 of your Oversized Perfection Grade Water Repellant Emporer Ox Tips.
PM me please, with payment details, etc.
I assume this also comes with your E-Book "Ox Horns and You, Tips on Tips" ?

[e Markle]

I'm interested in 10 of your finest Supreme Plus Plus Grade Double Crown Shangri La Organic Ozone Replenishing Bamboo Stickettes for beginners.
Also, I'd like 5 of your Oversized Perfection Grade Water Repellant Emporer Ox Tips.
PM me please, with payment details, etc.
I assume this also comes with your E-Book "Ox Horns and You, Tips on Tips" ?

Wow, I just got Donkey-Kong'd.

I'll PM ya.

[RadDavis]

Ernie,

I haven't seen you mention it, so I need to ask: Are these horns from Pampered Oxen, or are they from run of the mill oxen living in some field?

This makes a big difference in quality.

Rad

[baweaverpipes]

I have a follow up to Rod's question. Were they milk fed oxen, or were they force fed with all sorts of chemically enhanced gruel? The milk fed turn better and are more pleasant to the olfactory nerves. This stuff stinks worse than any ebonite or that Pohldancer feller after feeding the horses and hens.

[e Markle]

Ernie,

I haven't seen you mention it, so I need to ask: Are these horns from Pampered Oxen, or are they from run of the mill oxen living in some field?

This makes a big difference in quality.

Rad

I have a follow up to Rod's question. Were they milk fed oxen, or were they force fed with all sorts of chemically enhanced gruel? The milk fed turn better and are more pleasant to the olfactory nerves. This stuff stinks worse than any ebonite or that Pohldancer feller after feeding the horses and hens.

Wow, two *great* questions guys, and the answer to both is "yes." These are from Oxen kept by the Dali Lama himself (apparently it's a hobby of his?) so as you can imagine, no harm has befallen these treasured beasts. They are, in fact, pampered in the extreme. The horns are only harvested once the animal has been dead for a period of 10 years so as not to disturb the harmony of the Universe.

They were absolutely milk fed, but never, I repeat NEVER, fed from a bottle. The great Lama believes that the psychological ramifications of an early weaning to an Ox are severe, and therefore he allows, nay encourages, the natural nourishment that only an udder can provide. Truly a benevolent man.

Please feel free to direct all future inquiries to the great Lama himself. Thank you.

[RadDavis]

Bruce, pampered implies milk-fed. Duh.

Ernie, are they Virgin Oxen?

Also, is your bamboo organically grown, and is it harvested by beautiful young Asian girls?

Rad

[Alden]

Supreme Plus Plus Grade Double Crown Shangri La Organic Ozone Replenishing Bamboo Stickettes for Beginners.

[RadDavis]

Supreme Plus Plus Grade Double Crown Shangri La Organic Ozone Replenishing Bamboo Stickettes for Beginners.

This mentions nothing about beautiful young Asian girls.

Which is important.

Rad

[KurtHuhn]

This mentions nothing about beautiful young Asian girls.

Which is important.

Not nearly as important as 72 Arabian virgins, which we all get when we sell our first $1000 pipe. Are you not reading the handbook?

[Alden]

[/quote] This mentions nothing about beautiful young Asian girls. Which is important. [/quote]

Thats what the "plus plus" grade means.
Talk to Ernie about his free E-Book,
"Big Bamboo, How to Have Fun and Make Money in the Sexy and Exciting World of Giant Grasses"

[e Markle]

Instead of PM'ing each of you my info, here you go:

Paypal:
BilltheConqueror at gmail .com

or if you want to mail a check:

8002 E Del Platino Dr
Scottsdale AZ 85258

If you get payment to me by end of Wednesday, I'll have your items in the mail this week. Thanks.

[smokindawg]

Ernie, I just sent you something to your email.

[RadDavis]

BilltheConqueror!?

Rad